A Winter Apart
by Baliansword
Summary: The winter that Alexander and Hephaestion spend apart on the Hindu Kush campaign. This story tells their thoughts, and how they got on without one another, which was rather hard for them. Review. :
1. A Long Intended Journey

**Title:** "A Winter Apart"

**Author: **Baliansword

**Rating:** T for Teen

**Chapter:** 1 of 7 ; "A Long Intended Journey"

**Pairings:** Alexander/Bagoas, Alexander/Hephaestion

**Summary:** What Hephaestion and Alexander did apart over a winter. Includes letters the two wrote one another. First chapter is a PoV.

**Warnings: **Some sexual content, some gore, but overall rather mellow

**A/N:** I felt that their separations should be written. They are together in most stories. I thought we should split them up for awhile. But don't worry, they come back to one another at the end.

**Dedication:** I dedicate this to everyone who has ever been apart from love. (and to my Calculus class, because that is where I've been brainstorming this.)

**H/N:** During Alexander's campaigns he often sent Hephaestion to secure areas. However, they were generally not apart long. Not until the Hindu Kush campaign, where they spent a winter apart. Historically, the separation in this fiction happened. However, some of my events might not have.

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_Hephaestion's PoV_

Never before had I seen him so full of grief, and I had known him since we were boys; and nothing was terribly wrong now as so many things had been. He had pushed himself out of bed and paced for a moment. He wasn't angry. He was merely thinking, trying to erase what he already knew. I swallowed and finally he stopped walking back and forth. His eyes then met with mine, his eyes so dark and captivating compared to mine, and my heart skipped a beat. Still he did not understand it fully. I did not want to leave him. I only wanted to prove myself to hi, and to them, but also to myself I suppose as well. There was a pain in my chest then, in knowing that he did not understand. As I sat up on the bed his lips parted.

"I don't want you to go," he said. He then came back to bed. He crawled above me, pinning me down, and kissed me. I couldn't complain that he did this, nor would I. I wrapped an arm around his waist instead of saying anything at that moment. The other hand I pressed to his cheek. He placed his forehead against mine and quickly kissed me once again.

"I am not leaving you," I told him. I tipped my head back to kiss him lightly again. "I love you Alexander. You know that I am not leaving you. I'll never leave you."

"But you are Hephaestion," he whispered sadly against my skin. "You're putting so many miles between us. I feel as if now it is my turn to ask you what is it that you run from."

"It is merely a camp," I tried to assure him. "I will not be in a position to be injured, you know this. I have to do this Alexander. You know that you are the only reason I am anything at all in this world. You know I live for you. You know that I am a general because of your love for me, and nothing more it seems."

"No," he disagreed as he rested his chin on the crook of my shoulder where it met my neck. "You are a general because you deserve such a position. The others know this Hephaestion, they do! They are merely jealous that you are the one I love. They know that you are the owner of my heart, some of them, but they know you are a great general."

"They don't say that," I said with a slight laugh. Alexander raised his head and shifted his position. He moved so that he lay next to me, his arms wrapped around me, only the sheets touching us. Everywhere else his skin touched mine, or mine touched his. Alexander traced a small scar on my chest with the tips of his fingers. He lifted his head to look at me as I laughed.

"It is merely their jealousy my love. Their words don't warrant you leaving me for an entire winter to set up a camp. There are plenty of others that could do the task. It is nothing hard."

"No, but they must know that I too do my share in this campaign."

"How can you think that you do not," he said as he pushed himself up on an elbow to stare down at me. He kissed my lips softly, teasingly as well, and it brought me sorrow. I knew that once I left I wouldn't be this close to him for a winter. It was the only thing I was worried about. "You're the only one that has ever cared Hephaestion. You are the only one who looks at me and doesn't see a king. You look at me and you see Alexander, you see _me_, and you're the only one who has ever been honest with me. You've done far more for me than anyone else ever has. Phae, don't leave because of them."

"I want to do this too Alexander. I want to know that I can do it."

"Of course you can," he said as he kissed me once more. He then placed a hand on my cheek, cupping my face, and stared at me as if memorizing it all over again. There were almost tears in his eyes and I realized there was something more than just a fear for loss there. He was scared, perhaps for the same reasons that I was, or perhaps for others. Alexander kissed me lightly once more, and a tear ran down his cheek as he pulled his lips away from mine. "Hephaestion, you know that without you I am nothing. What am I going to do without you?"

"Alexander," I said softly as I reached up and ran a hand through his hair. I loved his hair. It was a golden color that only the sun could match, and Apollo let him do so. It was also softer than the finest Persian silks. He looked at me, as he always did, trying to listen to my feelings instead of thinking only of his own. He tried so hard to listen to me, and to stop listening to his own thoughts.

"This truly is something that I must do," I tried to explain, which was hard, because part of me didn't know what I really wanted to do this for. That part of me wanted to stay wrapped in his embrace throughout the winter. There were others that could build the camp. He was right, it wasn't that hard of a task. "I need to know that I can do something for you, something that you can trust me with. Since you trust me, I want to build you a camp that will make you proud. Alexander, I want to know in my heart that I built something, something that you needed. I want to know that I am a general and your lover, just like you are king, but also my lover. Alexander, tell me that you can begin to understand this. Tell me that I'm not breaking your heart."

"I need my heart broken," he said as he lay back down next to me. "No, I understand Hephaestion. You always were strong. Phae, was I unfair to you when you came back to Pella?"

"What?"

"When you came back, I already knew that I loved you. I tried so hard not to interfere when Cassander picked on you for being Athenian. I tried so hard, because I thought it was what you wanted, so that you could handle it. Should I have stopped them, Hephaestion, all those years ago?"

"Alexander, Cassander has always fought with me in that way. There was nothing you should have done all those years ago. This isn't your fault. I just need to know."

"I want to tell you not to go," he whispered against my neck as he kissed me softly there. I loved his light kisses. They were tender, soft, unlike so much that he did as a king. He was a different person with me. There was nothing rough about him, not then, as he held me and caressed me. "I can't make you stay though. I wouldn't force you to stay."

"I love you Alexander," I reaffirmed once more. I did love him. I loved him so much that it hurt sometimes. Going an entire winter without being with him was going to be the hardest thing in my life to do. I'd never been apart from him for long. Not since knowing that I loved him and I came back to Pella from Athens. From then on, never had we been apart. This was going to be hard for the both of us.

"I know," he said as he stopped moving and just held me. "You are the only one that I will ever love, Hephaestion. The only one."

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I smiled softly as he crossed his arms over his chest. He still did not want me to go. The more that I thought about it, the more I did not want to go either. I glanced behind me at the men he'd chosen to go with me. They were good men, from what I knew. Some of them I had never seen before. A few others I knew, like Kielas, who had been with us now for six years. He was a page to Cassander when he was fourteen. When he turned fifteen, he became Alexander's page, because Alexander took a liking to him. It was fine with me, for the boy was nice to have around, and Alexander's liking for him was more of a respect. It wasn't physical, and I wasn't worried. Kielas was now twenty, and he still looked a few years younger than that.

He truly was rather good looking. His hair was shoulder length, a sandy blond color, and he cut his hair in jagged ends. It looked fine on him though. Some might not have been able to get away with it. His eyes were a dark emerald green, but up close there were in his irises honey colored flecks of gold. His skin was tan, his muscles greatest at his arms, even though he was a foot soldier. He did have the highest cheekbones I'd ever seen on a Macedonian though. Kielas was handsome, and the Persian women knew it, and he'd taken a liking to one of Darius' harem women. She'd been trailing the army from then on, and Alexander let her, paying her in gold coin so that she could live freely on the way. I liked Kielas, but did not know why Alexander would be sending him with me, when clearly the boy had things to do here. Specifically, spend time with his lady friend.

"I thought he would remind you of me," Alexander then said to me, bringing my attention back to him instead of the men. I looked at him quizzically for a moment. I still did not know why he would want that. He knew that I was faithful to him, even when at times he was not to me, yet we had tried to get past that. Was he sending some sort of temptation, just to test me? For already I could tell him that it was he I loved, and always would, and there was no point to sending Kielas if that were his plan.

"Perhaps if you look at him long enough, you'll want to come back to me."

"Are you sure you want to send him with me," I then asked. "He is young Alexander, you know how we were when we were his age. There is a woman here that wants to be with him, and he loves and needs her. Why are you sending him with me?"

"He wanted to go," Alexander then told me quietly. "There is spirit in him, as you know, and I couldn't crush it. He wants to be a part of this as much as you do I suppose. So if you are going to go, and he wants to go, I cannot stop either of you. Besides, I really do hope that as it gets colder you'll want to come back to me."

"Alexander…"

"You will come back," he said before I could get anything else out. "If you get sick, or if you miss me too much, you will come back won't you? Anything, Hephaestion, should anything make you uneasy leave. Come back, and leave someone else to finish the camp."

"You know that I never leave things unfinished," I said as I wrapped my arms around him for a hug. "I'll be there waiting for you."

"Are you sure," he said as he surveyed the situation once more. "Getting their may be hard, even with the scouts. Hephaestion, are you positive that you do not want them to go ahead first? They can send word and you can follow later?"

"Alexander," I said, pressing my lips quickly to his cheek. "All will be fine. I've been with the scouts many times. Never before have I been close to being hurt. Believe me, all will be fine. Please, don't worry, for it will only cause me to regret this."

"Know that I will miss you," he said as he wrapped his arms around me once more. Another tear fell down his cheek and this once I reached up and wiped away. He looked beautiful when he cried. There was something about him being so vulnerable before me that I loved, not because of the power, but because I knew that I was the one that would bring him hope once more. Yet, that day, I knew that I would not be the one to tend his wounds. Instead, this time I was the one causing him pain.

"I know," I assured him with a smile. I pressed one last kiss against his lips before I turned. I then mounted my stead, a horse he had picked out for me himself. I had a few horses, not by choice, but because Alexander had kept more than one for me. There was my war horse, which I rode only into battle, and whom I loved dearly. We did not have the bond that Alexander and Bucephalus did, but it was close enough, for I did love that horse. There was also a horse that he kept for me in times when we were merely riding, a horse that the seller said had come from Arabia, where the horses always went long distances. I loved that horse too, as did I love the horse I was on now, which was made for the mountains. Or so Alexander had been told. There really was no way to know, other than the fact that this horse never stumbled no matter where we were.

Once on the horse, I looked at him once more. He tried to keep his expression calm. Oh, Alexander, my dear one. I looked down at him, and mouthed that I loved him, for I could not say the words. I felt too much pain to say anything. I felt as if I opened my mouth, I would die. It was probably true as well. It was then that I left him, knowing that I would not see him for an entire winter. All the way to our destination, I kept thinking about all that we had been through. Things no longer are so simple.

When we were boys, things seemed simple. They never were, but it was simple to us, because we didn't know anything else. We knew that his parents were different, because their love was strong in a way. There were things they did that to this day he is not over. I am not over some of them, just knowing how he felt during some of his troubled times. However, at the same time, we did not care back then. Instead, we cared about one another. We truly loved one another, and we wanted to be together, and we did not care about what the world as much. Now, we do care. We have to, because now, it is different. We are looked at differently. Things were so simple then. Now, they are not.

Perhaps it changed at Chaeronea, when we both realized what we were. It was easy for him to lead, to kill to do so, and to win. It has never been easy for me to lead. I can't cope with the fact that I send young men to their death. I do not like to kill. It is hard to look at those that I kill, knowing that they are just as I am. They are the son, the father, the brother, the husband to someone, just as I am. It is hard to know that I kill them, when they could kill me, and we would kill one another for things that we should be able to talk out. At least, in a perfect world I would like to talk things out. Yes, we realized how different we were in Chaeronea.

It did not hurt us though. We just knew that we were different. I was his opposite, which all had known already, but it was reaffirmed there. I am able to calm him. He is able to calm me. There is so much that we both share though, no matter how different we are. We love one another. That is the most important thing. We love one another, and always have, and leaving him is the hardest thing that I have ever done.

Now I stand in my own tent, watching as the men he sent with me make their own tents. Already I miss him. It has taken days to get here, weeks really, and I am aware of just how many miles we are apart. I'm beginning to think that perhaps I should have stayed with him. Yet I know that this is where I belong. At least for now. I cross my arms over my chest and continue to stare out. I wonder how many of them feel the way that I do. I suppose that I have been unfair for all these years.

When the men complain, saying that they want to go home, I am the one that convinces them Alexander knows what he is doing. Maybe I've been biased. Of course, I trust him because I love him. Yet, maybe there are times when I should tell him more of what they say. I try never to worry him. Perhaps I should try to worry him more, just so he knows. Never before have I done that. But I suppose that I have been unfair in a far greater aspect. The men that wish to go home always tell me that they wish to see their family and their loved ones. As I should do, to protect Alexander, I tell them that it will be fine. I assure them that soon we will be able to go back and they can see these loved ones. I am unfair to them though, because, do I really care?

I have the one that I love with me. I have always had him with me. Perhaps now that I am going to know what they feel, I'll feel differently. Maybe I am going to end up like them, wanting to go home, to see the one that I love. I'm just like them though. I can't go back, not until this is done. I am just like them now. I am alone. Alexander is not here to help me, to comfort me, to remind me what it is that I love about this campaign. I am alone, for the first time, and it scares me. But, it has scared them for so long. This is what I wanted out of this, to prove that I am just like them. However, as I stand here already missing Alexander, I am beginning to wonder if that is really what I want. Maybe I was just foolish. Only a winter shall tell though.

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A/N: Review! Let me know what you think! I'll put the next chapter up ASAP.


	2. Alexander tries to Cope

**Title:** "A Winter Apart"

**Author: **Baliansword

**Rating:** T for Teen

**Chapter:** 2 of 7 ; "Correspondence from Alexander"

**Pairings:** Alexander/Bagoas, Alexander/Hephaestion

**Summary:** What Hephaestion and Alexander did apart over a winter. Includes letters the two wrote one another. First chapter is a PoV.

**Warnings: **Some sexual content, some gore, but overall rather mellow

**A/N:** I felt that their separations should be written. They are together in most stories. I thought we should split them up for awhile. But don't worry; they come back to one another at the end.

**Dedication:** I dedicate this to everyone who has ever been apart from love. (And to my Calculus class, because that is where I've been brainstorming this.)

**H/N:** During Alexander's campaigns he often sent Hephaestion to secure areas. However, they were generally not apart long. Not until the Hindu Kush campaign, where they spent a winter apart. Historically, the separation in this fiction happened. However, some of my events might not have.

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Alexander glanced up at the flickering candle. Under normal circumstances he would not have noticed. However, under these circumstances, it was beginning to annoy him. His head was not where it should have been. He couldn't concentrate on anything. It had been a week and already it was harder and harder to fall asleep at night without having Hephaestion with him. The flame flickered again and this time Alexander reached out with a hand and extinguished the flame. There was still three other candles to see by. He didn't need that one. Upon getting rid of the distraction, he immediately glanced back down at the papyrus he'd been reading. He quickly cursed, since he'd read the same sentence at least ten times now, and dropped his pen. He pushed his chair away and stood.

Where was Hephaestion? What was he doing at the moment? All of these things kept running through his head. He couldn't concentrate on anything, no matter how he tried. He just wanted to know that he was alright. He was everything that he wanted, everything that he needed, and currently he was nowhere near him. His heart was aching, and he felt it, but for the most part he just missed Hephaestion. It wasn't that he wanted to touch him, to be with him in a sexual way, but he just missed him. However, he was beginning to notice that he did want to be with him in a sexual way. Was he that selfish?

Alexander decided that he wasn't going to get anything done, at least not in the way of work. Hephaestion was always better at staying on task. He'd always been that way. Even when they were boys, Hephaestion paid attention far better than Alexander even did at certain things. While most of their friends were trying to understand what Aristotle was saying, Alexander was planning a war, and Hephaestion was taking notes on how not to have a war. He liked speaking far better than he did fighting, even though he was equally great at both. Athens taught him such, and Alexander couldn't complain. Hephaestion quickly witted responses to verbal attacks had saved them a few times in the past. They likely would again.

He changed out of what he was wearing. He found a comfortable pair of silk trousers and a silk robe. It touched his skin in a rather erotic way, even though he didn't mean for it to do so. He wondered what was wrong with him. He'd certainly gone a week before without lying with Hephaestion. However, he had to admit, he and Hephaestion had been almost inseparable for the last month. Perhaps that was the problem. Sighing, he went to a table in his room, and picked up a cup. He poured some wine into it and took a drink, hoping that it would soothe him. With his cup in hand, he wandered out onto the balcony,

Alexander must have been out there for some time. He was not sure how long he'd been out there, but he was later joined by another. Alexander glanced at Bagoas as he stepped out onto the balcony. The boy immediately tried to prostrate himself before him. Alexander put a hand out and shook his head. Bagoas then stood, and averted his eyes to the ground. He'd been trained never to look at his master. Alexander was still trying to convince him that he was not his master, and that he was free. The concept of freedom was something that Persians were still not grasping.

"You miss him," Bagoas said, straining to speak the words perfectly, after a few moments of silence passed between them. Alexander turned his head, looking at him. He nodded after a second. Of course he missed Hephaestion. Clearly everyone else could see it as well. Bagoas glanced up at him, then immediately looked back at his feet.

"You miss him because you love him?"

"Yes," answered Alexander. "I love him."

He then observed the confusion that came across Bagoas' face. He knew that it was partially his fault. He'd brought him into his bed, and then, had realized that it was a mistake. Alexander looked at him now and wanted to explain things to him. He couldn't though. It would not be right to. Yet he felt bad, for it was clear that Bagoas had not thought of him as merely a king to please because he had to. He'd also, by the look in his eyes, actually wanted to be with Alexander in such a way.

"He does not want you with me?"

"No," Alexander answered him once more. It was true. Hephaestion had taken his affair with Bagoas to heart. Alexander realized after he'd apologized that Hephaestion took them all to heart. He always tried to understand though, when Alexander would take a woman here and there. He didn't even mind when he'd been with Barsine. It was Bagoas that had pained Hephaestion. For that, Alexander would always feel guilty. Yet, it was true; Hephaestion didn't want him near Bagoas.

"I don't understand," Bagoas said after a moment. He looked at Alexander then, not his feet, pleading with his cat-like eyes for an answer. Alexander wondered for a moment what the rights words would be. How could he explain it to him? There was so much that Bagoas did not understand. How would he understand this?

"Where we come from," he tried to explain, "things are different. Hephaestion loves me, and wants me, and only me. In turn, I am supposed to love him, and only him."

"Love, is it different there too?"

"Love is a feeling, a deep feeling. Making love is different. Here, making love is not regarded as what it is where we are from. It is different. It is hard to explain. But Hephaestion wants me to be with only him."

Alexander knew that Bagoas did not understand it fully. That was alright though. There were things more pressing on his mind. He wanted to know where Hephaestion was. He missed him terribly, and could think of only that. There was a void in his heart now, merely because Hephaestion was gone, and he'd never felt that before. Bagoas slipped away and Alexander let him go. He then ran a hand through his hair as a slight wind picked up. Again he was left to his own thoughts for a great deal of time. Yet he eventually retreated back to his room.

Upon entering he noticed that Bagoas had prepared things for the night. He'd readied the bed and had picked up the various things that Alexander had left out. At times this annoyed him, for he was an adult and could do things himself. At the current moment he did not mind though. It was better to have him put things away then not have them away at all, and lost later. Alexander stared at the boy for a moment, thoughts racing through his head that should not, before he slid the robe away from his shoulders. Keeping the silken pants on, he then slid into the bed, pulling a sheet over his bare upper torso.

"You do not need to stay."

"I would like to," Bagoas said. Alexander looked at him for a moment, wondering what he could tell him. Bagoas did not give him much time to think though. He approached, coming around the bed, and placed his hands on Alexander's shoulders. He began to rub his shoulders and Alexander relaxed slightly. For a moment he titled his head back, closing his eyes, and thought of a time not so very long ago it seemed. In his memory, it was so vivid, he was reliving it. Hephaestion had entered the room, had rubbed his shoulders while he'd been reading a letter from his mother, providing comfort in just standing near him. Alexander remembered such a moment, even the way that Hephaestion smelled, and the slight noises they heard from the open balcony. Yet this memory could not last long, for he opened his eyes, knowing suddenly that it was not Hephaestion touching him.

It was not fair, what happened next. Bagoas came around the side of the bed and kissed Alexander then. Alexander closed his eyes, knowing it was wrong the entire time. However, he was not thinking of Bagoas. He was thinking instead of a man that was miles away. Nothing was fair to Bagoas, for he was not Hephaestion, nor could he be. The simplest things were different. Alexander tried to block these things from his mind, thinking only of Hephaestion, but he still knew them.

Hephaestion's lips were not the same as Bagoas'. There was a depth to Hephaestion's lips, for they were fuller, and softer. Hephaestion's lips at times were cracked from the sun. At times they were bruised from lovemaking. Yet, all the while, they were perfect. Bagoas' lips were soft, but unchanging, even when passion changed. There was nothing exciting about it. The excitement was coming from the thought that this could have been Hephaestion.

Their touches were different too. It was physical, yes, because Hephaestion's hands were rougher. They had worked, where Bagoas' had never worked hard at all. Yet, Hephaestion's hands could be soft and tender if the time called for it. Bagoas' could never be rougher. Their touches were different though in a different way. When Hephaestion touched him, it was as if his heart was touching him, as if his soul depended on it. His touches were his feelings. Bagoas' touches were merely his hands occupying space.

They were different. In the end, what he shared with Hephaestion was love. What he shared with Bagoas was sex and nothing more. He did what he had always done when he'd lain with Bagoas. He pretended to sleep afterward, even though he did not, merely closed his eyes. Alexander heard Bagoas leave but his eyes remained shut for some time. When he did open them he did nothing more than stare up at the ceiling. It was wrong, this, and he could not justify it. He didn't even know why he had felt the need to give in. Was he truly so weak a man?

How ironic it was that he was supposed to be so great. He could lead an army of men, or so they would all say, but he could not live without one man. There was nothing that he regretted about this though. He would rather be unable to live without Hephaestion then to have never had him at all. Once he knew that Bagoas was gone for sure, he pushed the sheets away from his bare body. He then stood and pulled his robe over his shoulders. Leaving the bed, he picked up a piece of paper, and took it with him to the balcony.

The words came easily to him. He let the pen scrawl across the paper. He filled it quickly. It was then that he looked at his words and read them aloud. Alexander felt, somewhere deep in his heart, that if he read them they would become true once more. If he said them, then perhaps Hephaestion would be able to hear them.

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_Hephaestion, _

_There is so much that I long to say to you. Without you I seem to be nothing. I miss you more than I have ever missed you. There is a hollow spot inside my heart. I feel as if I am writing things that I have never spoken. I want to speak them. I need to speak them. I love you more than I can imagine and I am weak, oh so weak, and I am going to make you weak as well writing this. _

_You are miles away. But I can still feel you with me if I try to hard enough. I can feel each and every touch we've shared and I can smell you. I taste you. Everything is you now. Oh by the gods how I miss you. I shall be strong though. I must be strong. I have no doubt that wherever you are, you are being strong, and I fear that I am not. Love weakens me so much. _

_Know, where you are now, that I love you. I love you and only you. I cannot wait to hold you once more. Yet, even as I write this, I know that I only need to close my eyes. You are always with me._

_Alexander_

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"You look terrible," whispered Cassander as he took another sip of his drink. He then sat down next to Alexander on the bench. He propped his feet up on a nearby rock and then glanced at his friend. It was a good enough morning. So far nothing had gone wrong in any rank, nothing he would have to fix, which meant he had nothing to do. The sun rising was not at all bad either. This was not home, but at least it was currently pleasant. There was no rain yet, and Cassander was glad for this. "You look as if you've lost him."

"What?"

"Come on," Cassander said with a laugh. "I know that only Hephaestion can get you in such a mood."

Cassander lifted his hand and took another sip of his drink. He then reached over and playfully clapped Alexander on the shoulder. They were still friends after all this time. There were times when they did not see eye to eye. That came between them; however, they managed to survive. Alexander was a good enough friend, despite his flaws, and the same could be said about Cassander. Cassander drank once more from his cup before going on.

"No one holds it against you," he assured his friend, his king. He glanced at Alexander, wondering whether or not the king would wish him to stop. Perhaps the king did, yet his friend did not. The admittance comforted his mood. "In fact I think many believe you are a better man for loving."

"You all speak against him though," Alexander said and Cassander smirked at him. It was something that was known. Even Cassander could admit that he was jealous of Hephaestion. It was his jealousy at times that slipped out, forcing him in a way to down-talk Hephaestion. In truth he respected the general though and would save his life at any time if he could.

"Yes," agreed the other with a slight laugh. He still continued to sip his drink. "We all speak things that we should not concerning your beloved. We must though, for if we did not, we surely would have nothing else to do. Sometimes it is easier to call him a rude name than to call him a respectable man that is better than us."

"I've never said he was better than you."

"You don't need to. We all know. But still, in missing him it proves that you have a heart. You too can be wounded, Alexander, and the rest of us like to see that. There are those of us that were beginning to think you were a god."

"I'm no god."

"Miss him all you want," Cassander told him. "The men will not care. We all know that Hephaestion is the one you hold in your heart. If you miss him you should not be afraid to do it openly. Love him, without caring what we all think. At first it might have been frowned upon. Yet, now, we all know. I think we have had years enough to understand it. Believe me, it is fine to love. Just, do as you have always done. Keep your hands to yourselves in public. Mope around when he is gone; tell everyone you have the flu."

"Yes," Alexander said with a nod. "The flu."

"What are you two doing up already," a familiar voice asked. Ptolemy stepped out onto the balcony with them and sat down on a nearby chair. He had with him a plate of food, telling the others the cook had been awoken. Ptolemy never did anything on an empty stomach. Even for him it was still early though. Not to mention there was likely a very angry cook somewhere.

"Talking about Alexander," Cassander said as he drank again. Ptolemy's eyes turned to Alexander who nodded but said nothing. It was Cassander that went on, opening his mouth, knowing that Ptolemy was no fool either. All of the Companions knew about Alexander and Hephaestion. "He misses his beautiful Hephaestion already."

"It has been three weeks," Ptolemy reminded Cassander.

"I've been without sex for," Cassander paused. "No, never mind. I cannot say that after all. It is true then, Alexander, you are completely void in the world."

"Yes," Alexander said quietly, for in truth, he knew how incorrect that statement was.

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A/N: Sorry for the posting delay. Hope to see more reviews for this. Thank you everyone that reviewed the last chapter. You guys rock. Hope you enjoyed this. Everyone else, review s'il vous plait.


	3. Dealing with Winter

**Title:** "A Winter Apart"

**Author: **Baliansword

**Rating:** T for Teen

**Chapter:** 3 of 7 ; "Dealing with Winter"

**Pairings:** Alexander/Bagoas, Alexander/Hephaestion

**Summary:** What Hephaestion and Alexander did apart over a winter. Includes letters the two wrote one another.

**Warnings: **Some sexual content, some gore, but overall rather mellow

**A/N:** I felt that their separations should be written. They are together in most stories. I thought we should split them up for awhile. But don't worry; they come back to one another at the end.

**Dedication:** I dedicate this to everyone who has ever been apart from love. (And to my Calculus class, because that is where I've been brainstorming this.)

**H/N:** During Alexander's campaigns he often sent Hephaestion to secure areas. However, they were generally not apart long. Not until the Hindu Kush campaign, where they spent a winter apart. Historically, the separation in this fiction happened. However, some of my events might not have.

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Hephaestion used all of his strength to force the beam back up. He held it and waited, and Kielas continued to slam a large hammer against the beam. Finally it sunk down into the frozen earth and did not move again. This time it was stable. Hephaestion took a step away from the pole and pulled his fur blanker closer to him once more. Some of the heat was lost, but it did not matter. It would still end up being better with it on. He let out a breath, which froze, and fog seemed to linger in the air. Never before had he been so cold.

"I have never been so cold," Kielas said, seconding Hephaestion's thought, as he stood. He placed the hammer back down on the beam and then stretched his arm out once again. For days now they had been setting the beams up. They first had to dig through snow and some ice, and after that, they had to dig through cold dirt. It was a painstaking task. Yet it was something that had to be done. Hephaestion had luckily remembered that in order to keep the beams from cracking while it grew colder they had to coat them first with a liquid made by carpenters in Pella. This had saved them some time at least.

The camp was coming together though. Their temporary tents did not move. They froze in the night, and in the morning would thaw slightly. However, by the ending of the day they would be growing stiff once more. Hephaestion had never seen so much snow in his life. It rained constantly in most of the Hindu, yet here, now, it seemed only to snow. The camp, the one Alexander was expecting to come to, was at the moment only large beams. Once the beams were up, they could begin the rest though. There would be a granary first, for they too needed one currently, and then they would begin to work on the stables and the barracks. With Alexander's legions the barracks would take the longest to build and finish.

"Perhaps this is the end of the world," Kielas said.

"No," Hephaestion disagreed as he began to take his blanket off. He then took this blanket and wrapped it around Kielas. Kielas had been working on this far longer than he had. He was already shaking, from the cold and a lack of energy, but was too prideful to ask for a blanket. He'd lost his somewhere on the journey here, and in doing such, had already told Hephaestion he deserved nothing. Hephaestion couldn't stand there and let him freeze though. "There will be no end of the world for Alexander. We'll travel around it once more when he is through."

Kielas wrapped the blanket around himself, even though it was against his better judgment. He held the blanket close and then looked around at what was to be Alexander's camp. It looked good, for how long they had been there. It had been an entire month and the foundations to most of everything were set. Today they needed to finish this line of beams, and then the floors would all be started. His attention then turned back to Hephaestion though, who ran a hand through his hair. In the month they'd been there he'd not shaved. It likely kept him warm, Kielas figured. He also thought that it made him look wiser though.

"You look good," Kielas said after a moment. Hephaestion, who had been pulling his hair back, glanced over at him. Kielas did nothing more than give him a quick smile at first. He knew all about Hephaestion though. When he'd first joined Alexander's campaign, Hephaestion looked so young, so beautiful. Over the years he had changed. He'd grown to be a general, a true man, and it was physically visible as well. Where once he'd been soft skinned, lovely cheeks, there was a scar over one. Hephaestion from the moment of getting it had been worried. Even Kielas remember that day…

_Hephaestion reached up with a hand, placing it to the blood on his cheek. He withdrew three bloody fingers and cursed. It took him a moment to calm before he put the cloth into the water basin once more. He picked it up, squeezing it, and then wiped his cheek with it once more. It was nothing terrible; however, it was something that clearly concerned him. As he scrubbed the wound, Kielas glanced over at him, and laughed slightly as he found him a bandage. The young page then came closer. _

_"It is not so bad," Kielas said as he pulled Hephaestion's hand away and ushered him to a seat. Hephaestion sat reluctantly and Kielas looked at the wound. It was not too deep. He merely had to keep it clean and it would leave a small scar. Kielas was not sure of whether or not he should mention this to him as of yet. "Be still, my lord, or I am bound to hurt you somehow."_

_"How bad is it?"_

_"It is nothing."_

_"Be honest," Hephaestion said as Kielas tended the wound. "Is it something that Alexander is going to hate me for?"_

_"No," laughed Kielas. He rubbed something over the wound and then dabbed at it with the cloth. He then leaned down and blew against the wound lightly. "There you are. It will be fine soon. Alexander will adore it."_

"What do you mean," Hephaestion asked him as he wiped a flake of ice away from his cheek. Never before had he been so cold. When frost was building up on his shoulders, there was something wrong in the world. Hephaestion continued to look at Kielas though, wondering what the other had meant by his comment.

"With the scars," Kielas answered. "You always seem to worry about them. I think you look good with them. They give you character."

"I don't mean to be vain," Hephaestion said with a slight laugh. "Sometimes I wonder if Alexander still looks at me the same way though. If there is one thing I have learned on this campaign, it is that we all need to be insecure. The moment that you think things are fine, things go wrong."

"You refer to Bagoas even now?"

"I know he loves me," was the confident answer that Hephaestion gave. He could not phrase it otherwise. Alexander loved him, and that was enough to know for the moment. Things had happened that he had no control over. Yet, even when done, he still loved Alexander. He forgave him for his misgivings. Perhaps if he did not love him so much he would not, but that was the problem, for he loved him. Kielas sensed the unease and changed the subject though, trying to keep things light.

"I'm sick to death of stew."

"We all are," agreed the general. He ran his hand through his hair once more as they started towards their tents. All that were working were doing the same thing. They would work for a short amount of time, then go to warm themselves again. The snow was hard on Macedonians. Many of them had never seen snow, or if they had, they'd never had to trudge through it all day long. "Perhaps it shall freeze though, and then we will have nothing to eat at all."

"Why does Alexander want to settle anything here," Kielas said as they stepped into Hephaestion's tent. He took the fur coat off then, handing it back to Hephaestion, and sat down by a steaming fire. Hephaestion set the blanket down, feeling that he would not need it, and sat down silently. Kielas placed his hands over the fire and glanced over at him.

"It is the center," Hephaestion answered to the best of his knowledge. He drew his knees to his chin and let out a breath. It was good to have a friend near. Many of the other men respected him, yet only Kielas would he consider to be his friend. "He has a vision, Kielas, a vision that I fear the men are forgetting to see. They are like children. You can raise them, teach them all that you know, but still they will one day leave to start their own life. That is how the army is now, the older soldiers especially. They've come as far as they think they should have to go. Now, they wish to change things, to go their own way."

"Many still have faith in Alexander. I still have faith in him."

"Which is appreciated. You've been here longer than some of them. For that I thank you, for being a friend, I am in debt to you."

"You owe me no debt for something I would have done freely."

"Are you going to make her your wife," asked Hephaestion after they'd spoken for a few more moments. Kielas admitted that someday he would like to have a home. However, that time for him was not now, and this he made sure to tell Hephaestion. He'd much rather help Alexander until the campaigns were done than do nothing at all. Yet, there was always that woman waiting for him, the woman he loved –no matter where she was from.

"I would like to," he answered. His smile lit his face up. "She is a treasure, truly. Perhaps she is like my Alexander, compared to you."

"Kielas," a voice called out faintly from outside the tent. Kielas gave Hephaestion a quick eye roll. He then stood, his hands warm now, and he paused before Hephaestion. With a hand he cupped Hephaestion's cheek, the one without the scar, and he placed a soft kiss against the other cheek –which had a scar.

"You will always be stunning," Kielas told him before leaving. Hephaestion watched him go, wondering where that had come from. They were merely friends though, and he knew this. Still, he found comfort in knowing that someone would call him stunning.

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ONE WEEK LATER…

Hephaestion had coughed all night. As the light began to filter into the tent he rolled to his other side. He pulled the blanket over his head and tried to sleep once more. It had been hours since the sun had rose. He was too weak to get up though it seemed and he'd put things in another's hands. Kielas was more than capable of setting things up for the day. Hephaestion could sleep, and this fatigue would be gone by the next day. None of the men complained about Hephaestion taking a day of rest. He had been more than generous in giving many of the men the same day of rest should they request it. Sleep found him luckily, and he did not wake up until he heard shouting, and a large crashing sound.

Instantly he was awake when he heard this. He practically bounded out of his tent, and immediately, he knew that something was very wrong. Hephaestion saw where men were standing, orders being shouted, beams being lifted. He rushed past a group of approaching men, shoving past them, and then his heart sank suddenly. Everything had gone completely wrong.

"Move the beams," Hephaestion shouted. Hands immediately were grabbing large beams, pulling them away. They moved quickly, but it did not seem like they were moving anything. Once one beam was gone, it seemed more piled up. A horse thrashed and Hephaestion ordered someone to cut the horse loose. The horse was up then it seemed and the wagon was tipped back over.

"Kielas," Hephaestion's voice shook as he swept the younger man into his arms. He pushed bloody hair out of Kielas' face and stared down at him, panicking all the while. A few of the other men tended to the other two fallen men. Kielas did not move though. He did not move, and he made no sounds as the others did. "Kielas! Listen to me, Kielas, can you hear me?"

""Hephaestion," whispered another of the men. Hephaestion couldn't make out who it was. He was more concerned with Kielas, who still was unmoving in his arms. "Hephaestion…sir…he is not going to answer you."

He knew, he knew even before someone had to say it. He could feel what he could not see. His fingers were slick with blood, and thick blood at that, and he knew how pale Kielas was. His hands were underneath Kielas. One was holding his head, the other against his back. It was from his head that the blood was oozing. Hephaestion pulled him closer to him, placing his head against his breath. A moan of pain escaped him.

"Kielas!"

A day later Hephaestion was sitting on a stool, his face blank of any expression, staring at Kielas. He was so peaceful. His face was as pale as the snow outside of the tent it seemed. He now looked better, the embalmers had done a good job with him. If you did not know, perhaps you would think him still alive, merely sleeping. Nothing moved in the room, apart from a dripping corner of the tent. Hephaestion continued to stare at his body, blaming himself for what had happened.

Had he been awake, perhaps he could have saved his life. The horse could have collided with him as the wagon tipped, wheels sliding in the frozen earth. Somewhere he knew that this was not the case though. It was merely an accident. However, still, he felt as if he were to blame. Hephaestion stared at Kielas, knowing that there was a woman waiting for him, and she'd never see him alive again. Maybe she would never see him again if they could not find a way to send him back.

"I'm sorry," Hephaestion said, tears sliding down his cheeks as he placed a hand over Kielas', which were folded on his chest. He was sorry for this entire journey. Alexander was right. Someone else, someone stronger, should have gone. Then, Kielas would have found no interest to go. This terrible, terrible thing was his entire fault. He was all that he'd been called by others. He was nothing more than a failure.

Kielas' body was burned that night.

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ANOTHER WEEK LATER…

Things were getting better now. No one had forgotten what had happened to Kielas. However, it made them work harder it seemed. Buildings were going up. The granary was almost done. In a few more days, it would be, and they would have something accomplished. Hephaestion slammed the hammer down against the pole and it sunk into the ground. He worked as a man with regret did. He slammed the pole again, and it sunk further. When the line was finished, he found himself back in his tent. His cough was worsening.

By the end of the night, he felt as if he could not breathe. His eyes watered and he felt hot, even though he was so very cold. Everything blurred, and he went to sleep, and when he woke there was a healer leaning over him. It hurt. His eyes burned. Yet still he felt as if he could not breathe. Finally he opened his eyes fully and tried to speak.

"Alexander," he said hoarsely.

"No," the Persian physician answered him as he poured something down Hephaestion's throat. "He gives you only his spirit now. You must drink."

"Paper," was the last thing that Hephaestion said before everything went black.

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A/N: Let me know what you think everyone. As always, thank you to all of my readers and reviewers. Hope you enjoy this! Next chapter shall be up soon I hope.


	4. Hephaestion's Condition

**Title:** "A Winter Apart"

**Author: **Baliansword

**Rating:** T for Teen

**Chapter:** 4 of 5 ; "Hephaestion's Condition"

NOTE: Previously, it said seven chapters. I'm sorry for the confusion. There really are only five chapters to this story.

**Pairings:** Alexander/Bagoas, Alexander/Hephaestion

**Summary:** What Hephaestion and Alexander did apart over a winter. Includes letters the two wrote one another.

**Warnings: **Some sexual content, some gore, but overall rather mellow

**A/N:** I felt that their separations should be written. They are together in most stories. I thought we should split them up for awhile. But don't worry; they come back to one another at the end. Thank you to everyone for their continued dedication to reading my work. Makes me feel wonderful, you have no idea!

**Dedication:** I dedicate this to everyone who has ever been apart from love. (And to my Calculus class, because that is where I've been brainstorming this.)

**H/N:** During Alexander's campaigns he often sent Hephaestion to secure areas. However, they were generally not apart long. Not until the Hindu Kush campaign, where they spent a winter apart. Historically, the separation in this fiction happened. However, some of my events might not have.

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It was a beautiful morning, yet there was nothing for him to marvel at. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest and continued to stare out, to the east no less. Perhaps if he looked long enough he would see Hephaestion. Alexander knew this was not the case though. He just missed him terribly. He was beginning to think that he would leave, leaving his army behind, and run into Hephaestion's arms. However, what a disappointment he would be to Macedonia then. Instead of doing this he tried to busy himself with planning the campaign. Still, it was not the same with Hephaestion. Only Hephaestion would listen to his ranting at all times of the day.

"This came for you," a page said as he placed a letter down on the table before Alexander. As soon as Alexander reached for it, there was another entering the room though. Cassander had his sword at his side, which was never a good sign. Alexander took another sip of his drink before offering a smile to Cassander. Clearly, Cassander was not in the mood.

"We have problems," Cassander said as he collapsed on a chair before Alexander. Well, things could have been better this morning. Yet Alexander would rather have something to do than nothing at all. Apart from, of course, thinking of Hephaestion that was.

"Good morning to you too," Alexander told him.

"Not in all actuality," Cassander assured him. "The damnable Bactrians have planned a revolt. There is a small group, getting together, that plans to take you out of power."

"They do this everywhere they go," Alexander reminded him. "Just as always before, the uprising will be put down. You do not need to worry so much about it Cassander. Besides, it will give us something to do, won't it?"

"These Bactrian forces are not the same Alexander. They are even more barbaric than the Persians that tried to overthrow you. I assure you, they are far different here. They are barbarians, Alexander. They'll attack you at night if you have to. There is no honor in them. We must act now, while we have the upper hand."

"Then that is what we will do," Alexander said. He knew that Bactrian forces were different than the Persians. He himself had fought them, had he not? These forces were not going to overthrow him though. They never did. The pages led by Philotas had not, the Persian eunuchs had not, none of them would. "I assume that you know names already."

"I'm not a spy," Cassander told him as he always did before he spilled more information than any other spy could find. "There are seven of them that we know of. Of the seven, all would be considered to be a threat to you Alexander. None of them are innocent, believe me. In fact, one has been suspected of taking things from this palace, and selling them off outside of it."

"And you believe this?"

"Of course."

"Then give me some time to read this letter and…"

"Now," Cassander assured him. "The letter will be here for you when we get back. Hephaestion, believe me, would want you to deal with this first."

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The last drop of blood had been spilt. It stained the sands of the pit. Alexander reached up and wiped a hand over his cheek. Blood stained his fingers already, and the action reared no result. Turning, he handed his sword to Cassander, who was equally covered in crimson. The revolt had been crushed. In the end, there were nineteen bodies to bury. There were nineteen men that would not be leaving this pit.

"Sand it over," Alexander said to the grave diggers. They averted their eyes from him. How could he blame them? He had just slaughtered nineteen men before them. Alexander said nothing more to them. Instead, he returned to his room. He threw off his chiton and wiped the blood away from his body. Letting out a breath he then drew a robe over himself and picked up the letter that still sat on his desk. For a moment he just held it close to him. Knowing that it had come from Hephaestion made it more than a mere letter. When he opened it, everything changed though.

_Alexander, _

_This perhaps will be the least time I get to speak to you. I fear that I have fallen ill. I have tried so hard to please you with what I've done. I don't only mean the camp either. I mean everything Alexander. When we were young, I tried to mold myself into what you would have wanted me to be. But I could never begin to touch you Alexander. You were the one thing that was always out of reach. I thank you though, for letting me stay beside you, for letting me love you. _

_Things did not go as they should have here. I wanted so badly to prove to them, to you, and to myself that I could do this. I wanted to be able to make you a camp, something that you needed. I wanted to know that I could be okay without you. But, I fear that I couldn't do it Alexander. Without you I am nothing. It has always been so; nothing without you. _

_Kielas is gone Alexander. I don't even know how it happened, in truth. But I know it should have been me, instead of him. Had I been up, not weak and ill as I am now, he would have been elsewhere. It was I that should have been killed. But I am not, Alexander, I am not dead. At least not yet. Perhaps this sickness is the Fates coming back for me, realizing they took the wrong man. Poor Kielas, oh Alexander, he was so young. He had his life before him, as so many of them had, and just like the rest he now sleeps in Hades. _

_What have we done Alexander? When we were boys you had a dream that others thought was just out of reach. Uniting the world, they never dreamed it imaginable. You've worked so hard Alexander to prove them all wrong. And you have, for look where we are now, but what was it all for Alexander? Have we truly made things better? Was getting this far worth the lives it took to get us here? I can only wonder now Alexander. My faith is still with you, and I believe in what you are trying to accomplish. Never will I doubt you, my love, but still I must wonder. You know me, as I know you, and you know that at times this makes no sense to me. I am not strong like you are. Perhaps I cannot believe because there is nothing to believe in me. _

_I've let you down here Alexander, and I am going to let you down once more should I die. I have tried to be strong for you Alexander. I've tried, and I will continue to, but how can I fight an opponent I do not know? Even my body does not recognize this. I feel terrible, not that I am going to complain, for perhaps I should feel this way. Patroclaus did in fact die first. Perhaps that was our fate Alexander, as soon as we decided to live this epic tale we're now in._

_I worry for you, without me. Both of us know you Alexander. I don't want to leave you. I want you to be able to have the only speck of sanity you have left in the world; mine. Oh Alexander, I miss you more than you can know. Perhaps some of this aching is not even illness. Perhaps it does not come from the work. Perhaps it is just my body yearning for yours, as does my mind, my heart, and my soul. I miss everything about you Alexander. _

_I love you Alexander. I could never ask more of you, than to love me, either. It was all I ever wanted Alexander. Still, I mean every word that I said to you, each and every one. You are my life Alexander, you are the one that I care for, and I don't want to lose you to this world. But, should I have to, know that I love you. I have always loved you. I just wanted you to know. _

_Hephaestion._

Immediately the letter was on the bed. Alexander, on the other hand, was not. Cassander glanced up as he spotted him coming down the hall. He said nothing to him though, sensing that Alexander was in a hurry. Why, he did not know, yet he knew to stay out of his way. Alexander made his way to the physician's hall within seconds it seemed.

"Get up," Alexander screamed as he entered. He spotted Philip, his most trusted physician and grabbed on to his shoulders. "Philip I need you to prepare, you and fie others, the best, to go to Hephaestion."

"My lord?"

"He is ill," Alexander told him.

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"Sending five of your best physicians to his aid is excessive," Ptolemy tried to explain to Alexander. He was the only one that was trying to explain it. The other Companions simply watched, all secretly hoping that Ptolemy would be silent. None of them wanted to see him pay with his life.

"And losing one of my generals is excessive too."

"I'm not saying he doesn't deserve the treatment. I am merely saying he only needs one physician. Not five of the best."

"Ptolemy," Alexander said, his voice serious now, meaning the conversation was going to come to a close now. "Hephaestion will receive the physicians. They are mine to send, not yours."

"Be reasonable," the other continued. "Should an accident occur, you will wind up missing five physicians. I only ask you to think it through. What if something should happen here?"

"Then it is a good thing that we have more physicians."

"My king," a page said as he entered the room. Alexander glanced at him, knowing that Ptolemy could continue until he killed him. Not that he would, but Ptolemy had a way of being stubborn. "There is word that there is to be an attack in the area nearest where Hephaestion's reports have come from. They wish to attack you there Alexander, say your sources. They'd like to know what to do."

"Cassander," Alexander said without a moment's hesitation. "Get ready to go with the physicians, which shall be sent by the end of the day. The rest of you get your things ready now. Get your men ready. I feel that we'll be arriving slightly early to the camp."

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"Hephaestion," a voice whispered. He couldn't hear it, not clear enough to open his eyes. Instead he heard it as if it were muffled. The voice said his name once more and he tried to open his eyes. He finally did, blinded by the sun, and looked up into the eyes of Cassander. He was in fact the last person that Hephaestion would have expected to see after his dream, which for the most part, made no sense now that he thought about it.

"You look terrible," Cassander said as he placed a hand on Hephaestion's forehead. Hephaestion felt another hand touching his wrist and moved his head to the side. Philip, a face he didn't know he could be so glad to see, was intently listening for his pulse. Hephaestion slowly turned his gaze back to Cassander. Cassander stared at him without saying a word for a moment. He was watching Philip, as if that would explain something.

"Alexander," Hephaestion asked, his throat burning. This brought Cassander's eyes back to his. Cassander shifted from where he sat and again placed his hand against Hephaestion, this time at his cheek, checking to see if there was any change in his temperature.

"He will be here in a few days time," Cassander assured him. "He was preparing the men to move. He's concerned about you though. You do, after all, look terrible. How is it that you get sick so often?"

"How bad is it," he then asked Philip.

"A fever from some bad water," Philip said. He continued to touch Hephaestion's arm. He then felt the muscles of his neck. "Yes, it is a fever, but it can be easily cured. When was the last time you were up Hephaestion?"

"Days ago," he whispered.

"Your muscles ache, I am sure. But truly you are not dying, as Alexander would like to think. Now, give me a few minutes to mix something up for you, and by the time Alexander arrives you will be yourself again."

Hephaestion listened for a few more moments as Philip explained to Cassander what was happening. Then, the world slipped away once more. Darkness enveloped him for some time. When he opened his eyes again, he was in a different tent, yet there was no one else with him. Hephaestion struggled to sit up, his head aching almost as much as the rest of his body. He finally was in a sitting position, his body aching, and he was able to look around the tent once more. Instantly he knew where he was. He was in Alexander's tent. There was no other tent that would look as this one did, fine gold flaps, and the finest fur bed. There was no other that would have candles burning, the ones that smelled like lavender, just for him. Hephaestion swallowed, his throat burning slightly.

There was no one in the tent but already he felt as if Alexander's presence was around him, almost as if his arms already were holding him close. Hephaestion swung his legs over the bed and pushed himself up. He was weak, very weak, but he needed to see Alexander. As soon as he stood he actually felt slightly better. Drawing in a quick breath he glanced around the room once more. Sitting on a stand, on a silver platter none the less, were his favorite assorted fruits. He reached over and picked up a berry and tasted it. Alexander had a way of making him feel as if he too were a king, when he did not need to.

"Are you feeling better," a voice asked. Hephaestion smiled, even before he turned around. There was no voice more familiar to him than Alexander's. If he never again heard another voice, he would not complain.

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A/N: Again, there are only five chapters to this story. I'm not sure why before it said seven. Sorry for the mistake. The last chapter shall be the last! We must, after all, bring the lovers back together.


	5. One Once Again

**Title:** "A Winter Apart"

**Author: **Baliansword

**Rating:** T for Teen

**Chapter:** 5 of 5 ; "One Once Again"

NOTE: Previously, it said seven chapters. I'm sorry for the confusion. There really are only five chapters to this story.

**Pairings:** Alexander/Bagoas, Alexander/Hephaestion

**Summary:** What Hephaestion and Alexander did apart over a winter. Includes letters the two wrote one another.

**Warnings: **Some sexual content, some gore, but overall rather mellow

**A/N:** I felt that their separations should be written. They are together in most stories. I thought we should split them up for awhile. But don't worry; they come back to one another at the end. Thank you to everyone for their continued dedication to reading my work. Makes me feel wonderful, you have no idea!

**Dedication:** I dedicate this to everyone who has ever been apart from love. (And to my Calculus class, because that is where I've been brainstorming this.)

**H/N:** During Alexander's campaigns he often sent Hephaestion to secure areas. However, they were generally not apart long. Not until the Hindu Kush campaign, where they spent a winter apart. Historically, the separation in this fiction happened. However, some of my events might not have.

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_Hephaestion's PoV_

Of course I was feeling better. How could he think that I was not with him now so close to me? Alexander smiled and crossed the room. Upon doing this he wrapped his arms around me and placed his chin upon the crook of my neck. Oh, he was so close once more. It was all I could think of. I could smell him, a musk that was his alone. I wrapped my arms around him as well, my fingers curling in his hair. He'd recently bathed. His hair was dry, but smelled of foreign soaps. Instantly, I no longer felt sick. I felt home again.

"I was so worried," he said as he ran a hand down my back, resting his palm lightly at my hip. He then drew back, his other hand cupping my cheek. He did nothing more than stare at me for a moment. That was all he wanted to do, and for the most part, it was all I needed him to do. I stared into his eyes, so deep, his secrets and desires hidden there. Even to this day I still have things to learn about him. His lips parted once more, his eyes filling with tears.

"By the gods Hephaestion," he said breathlessly, making me weak in the knees. "I was so worried that I wouldn't see you again."

"I'm better," I whispered. It was the truth as well. He could cure anything merely by looking at me. His hand was warm against my cheek as his skin touched mine. I could remember his hands all I wanted when not with him, yet it was not like this –it was not the real thing. Alexander then leaned closer and kissed me. His lips were so soft. Even though he tried to contain himself, this kiss was deep. He both assured me of his love for me and pleaded with me to need him in the same way. Enveloped in his touch, in his being as if we were one, the rest of the world fell away.

"Did you miss me," he whispered as his lips lost contact with mine. What a foolish question. How could he even ask me if I had missed him? His lips left my own, but immediately he was lightly sucking at my neck. His lips pulled at soft skin, his tongue warmed me, his hands held me in place.

"More than ever," I finally had the breath to reply with. There were so many times when I could barely speak in his presence. Times like these, where he held me as no other ever had or would, were such times. Alexander pressed his hand firmly against my hip and pulled me closer, both of out bodies aching, both of us comforted for the first time in an entire winter. As he drew me closer he took a few steps forward, causing me to take a few steps back. The back of my knees hit a chair, and instantly I was sitting upon it, Alexander on my lap. He straddled me, his thighs touching mine, my own desire for him growing.

His lips met with mine once more and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He let out a quick breath before his thighs ground against mine in a manner which I loved. His hands found my hair then, as our tongues fought for dominancy in our kiss. The demand was there, but so was the passion, the passion that at times we could not restrain. Alexander was never one to wait for something he wanted though. I was never of course one to complain. Within moments my chest was bare, his lips covering my shoulder.

Each of my muscles tightened in anticipation as he kissed me, and then, I knew there was no hiding my desire from him. He knew this too and one of his hands slid down my chest. He did this with an ease no other could have had. His fingers barely touched my skin, as if merely wind were touching me. His hand then lightly cupped my arousal, his fingers then wrapping around my erection, and he continued to kiss my chest. I drew in a breath then, thinking his torture could get no worse. I would not stop him though. Just when I thought it could get no worse his mouth found my nipple, and he lightly nipped at me with his teeth. Of all things, this was the worse thing he could do to me. Yet at the same time, it was the best.

I drew in an instant breath and tried to calm myself. I could not though. Alexander continued to kiss me, continued to wrap his fingers around me, and then his kisses trailed lower. I wrapped a hand in his hair, running it through my fingers, and my head bent back. His tongue teased my navel. Everything he did was teasing me at that moment. Slowly, his hands pulled the trousers I'd been placed in while sick away. He pulled them from around my ankles and dropped them on the floor of the tent.

"Alexander," I begged. I pleaded. There was nothing more I wanted in the world than him. I truly loved him. I truly wanted him. Yet, I did not want him to feel obligated to do this. As I thought this, his tongue ran over my inner thigh and I let out a moan, which I had been holding in the back of my throat. My heart beat faster. I chest rose and fell faster as my breathing became labored. He wasn't even doing anything that erotic yet. Again, as I thought this, his tongue ran up my other side. Then, his tongue found the base of my erection. He kissed my tip, then, his mouth slid over me. From that point, I was lost to him.

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He pulled his lips away as Hephaestion trembled beneath him. Alexander ran his hands over Hephaestion's chest then and moved his kisses to his neck. Hephaestion still trembled beneath him from his release. Finding strength, he leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to Alexander's lips. For a moment they did nothing more than hold one another. Then, Hephaestion sat up fully, wrapping his arms around Alexander. He placed his hands at Alexander's buttocks, let his lover wrap his legs around him, and then lifted out of the chair. In a few steps, they were lying down on a pile of the finest furs.

Hephaestion kissed Alexander, his hands running over his body for a moment. He was still aware of Alexander's own erection, which he could not ignore. Hephaestion provoked Alexander, grinding his hips lightly against his arousal, until Alexander's hand wrapper around his wrist. Alexander pulled him from above him and kissed Hephaestion's back as he repositioned them. After another kiss, Alexander carefully slid into Hephaestion, his breathing labored. He let out a moan as Hephaestion pushed his hips back, forcing Alexander to fill him completely.

Alexander moved them for a moment before he could do nothing more. They were both unable to breathe it seemed when finally Alexander found his release. He pulled away from Hephaestion and then collapsed onto the furs. Hephaestion lay beside him, his breathing even worse, for he was not yet done getting over his sickness. Alexander rolled closer to him, wrapping his arms around Hephaestion, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Never leave me again," Alexander whispered.

"No," Hephaestion said as he began to fall asleep in his arms. "I won't leave again, Alexander. Never again."

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ENFIN

A/N: Awe, nice and fluffy ending.


End file.
